When I was a kid, I was super sensitive and would cry at the smallest things (objectively small, subjectively huge to me). I remember crying as an 11-year-old because I fell over trying to sit down on my chair. It wasn’t painful but it was in front of my mates and was embarrassing, so I cried.
Somewhere along the way I tried to hide that sensitive side of me away, and I was successful too, so successful in fact that I practically stopped crying all together. I wouldn’t even cry when I went to funerals of people I knew well. I became so concerned with being strong all the time (well trying to anyway) that I stopped feeling my feelings. I felt like a pussy if I cried or even got emotional, so my solution was to be emotionless. Try doing that in your relationship and see how long your Mrs likes it.
As the cliché goes, I thought it was weak to cry. Boy how wrong was I. After seeing a trauma coach, I’ve become open to not only my own feelings, but to the pain and feelings of others too. I was talking to two different people yesterday, both for life changing circumstances. As the first person was speaking about the pain they’ve been going through, my eyes were welling up and I felt really present for them in that moment. I didn’t try to be one of those people who helps others to get social credit, but it felt real and organic. I actually feel a bit egotistical talking about this, so please don’t feed my ego and tell me how cool that was to lend an ear. I gave the second person praise on aspects of their new chapter in life, and I wanted them to really hear me to feel reassured and encouraged in their new direction. As they shared details about this new chapter in their life, I felt more tears welling up because I felt genuine happiness for them. I even cried walking back to the car afterward.
All of this is to say that things feel a lot lighter and easier to approach when you’ve dealt or have been dealing with your shet. It’s been the hardest journey to get back to the sensitive fala I’ve always been, but frickin hell has it been worth it.